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Spiritual Rape

My Journal of Mormonism Research and Recovery

I was born and raised in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (or Mormons). I had/have good parents and was raised well. I love my family and I loved the religious beliefs I grew up on but I am sad to say that those beliefs I held dear were not what they seemed. For about 3 years I had been doubting; truly, severely; and trying to understand and hold on to belief until I realized the worst really was not only possible but absolutely true. Late in 2004 I finally came to accept the biggest epiphany of my life: The church that I grew up in and loved and thought I needed was not "the One True Church" I had always been so sure of. Among many other things I realized that the prophet, Joseph Smith, was not the chaste and heroic man I grew up thinking he was. for me this journey has been very long and difficult and I expect I will spend my entire life attached to mormonism in some way or another.

As for my username, "Spiritual Rape" may seem a harsh one to use to use but it is the closest thing to describe what I have been through. I do feel "raped" in a way. Betrayed and controlled by "someone" I trusted dearly. I will always have the scars of it left on my life. Like any rape victim, I am trying to recover from what I have suffered. I was deceived and molded by my beliefs. When I began to find out the truth about things I felt like my world was crumbling. I felt like the floor was pulled from under my feet. I suffer disconnections from people I love because I have betrayed the faith that is so important in my family.

This journal is my public but anonymous journal which I want to use to share my story and my experiences in the hope that others might benefit. I will make this journal a place for my thoughts and feelings as well as the fruits of many MANY hours of research I have done and continue to do to make myself more acquainted with mormonism. I am extremely interested in it and study it very often. Perhaps that is part of my way of coping with everything. =)

Here you will find a lot of information from my study and research and I am working to keep it cataloged in my "memories" section for the use of others and myself. I also hope to include some humor and other observations.

Thank you for visiting my Mormonism journal!